one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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