I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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