goodnight i made you a song goodbye
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize