Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
