Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
