dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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