I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
