How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
