I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
