You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
