I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
