She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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