all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
