So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
