im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
