I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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