Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize