Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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