How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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