SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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