I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You were trust falling into bushes
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
