i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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