so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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