She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize