so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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