Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
