y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
