Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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