I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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