No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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