Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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