dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
