"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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