I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
