thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
