I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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