I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
lets start a swedish sibling band together
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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