Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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