Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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