She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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