sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize