you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
