Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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