what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
