How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
