a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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