he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
