If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
