my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize