he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
