she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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