I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
