M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
