Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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