You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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