I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
