Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Randomize
