Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You ruined the universe
Randomize