I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My vagina just clenched in fear
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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