It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
