You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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