I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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